Batman Eternal #7 Review

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This issue sees the feathers really hit the fan in the Gotham City gang war, especially for poor Ozzie, who seems to lose everything in a matter of pages. But this Noah's ark of an installment also includes a cat, a pig, a tiger shark, an orca, and for a short flash, a bat. Old MacDonald would be all hot and bothered by this issue, friends. This is Batman Eternal #7, and an empire crumbles into the deeps of Gotham harbor here.
 

"It was either you or Captain Stingaree. I couldn't afford him."

 

I pride myself on being at least somewhat familiar with most of DC lore, especially Batman characters, but frankly I cannot for the life of me figure out who that guy Carmine Falcone consults with at the car dealership. The artist shows him zipping around like he has some super speed, but I can't recognize him as somebody in the Batman mythos. His name seems to be Mr. Rhodes and he owns the car dealership, but he also seems to work for The Roman, contacting some of the freaks, like Professor Pyg and Tiger Shark, and setting up explosives. I guess it hardly matters because he's blown up by issue's end, leading me to wonder just who was that ebony speedster with the luxury car lot? And could have have gotten me a good deal on a 2014 Buick Enclave before his untimely demise? The world, sadly, will never know.  

 

Catwoman confronts Penguin over the disappearance of the Gotham Underground, which, by the way, is literally people living underground, not a subway tunnel or the underworld, but the name of people living, I guess, in the sewers and tunnels beneath Gotham, that Batman probably uses in case he needs to drop a deuce during a mission. Penguin insists he wouldn't be bothered with mere vagrants, and what's more, reveals he's been shielding Dr. Phosphorous, who has, I suppose, been on his side in this fight. Maybe that's what that explosion of the weapons truck was all about, Dr. Phosphorous destroying some of Falcone's weapons on behalf of Penguin. Anyway, Oswald gives Selina this spiel about how he made crime respectable in the city, reining it in his own way, and that now that Falcone has returned, she should "decide on her legacy". I guess that's a call back (forward?) to Snyder's Batman #28, the flash-forward issue that sees Selina as a crime boss.
 

"We gotta make a decision. Leave tonight or live and die this way." 

 

But forget the tragedy of the sinking of the Iceberg Casino. Casinos come and go. They can be rebuilt. Even the shattered lives of the loved ones of those lost in the sinking can be mended. Sadly, our one-page penguin pal, Commander Wilhelm, who we hardly knew, yet surely loved with all the intensity one can love a penguin with a camera on his head, is no more. Ruthlessly snatched up in the jaws of a disgusting predatory whale, Wilhelm is gone to us. Even as I type this, my hands shake and tears cloud my eyes. Let angels sing ye to your slumber, gentle soul.  

 

Commander Wilhelm (Page 8-Page 8)

In the arms of the angel.

R.I.P.

 

Oh, yeah, there's was a Batman in this book, too, right? And some... some cop guy who lets Professor Pyg go after Batman went through all that trouble to capture him? Who cares? COMMANDER WILHELM! I need some time to recover.

 

 

Even for a corrupt police official, this is just stupid.

 

Next Issue: Stephanie Brown in the crosshairs! That should cheer me up.

 

- Penguin Truth
(2014)

 

Story: Scott Snyder & James Tynion IV
Script: Tim Seeley
Consulting Writers: Ray Fawkes & John Layman
Art By: Amanuel Simeoni
Colors By: Blond
Lettering By: Rob Leigh
Cover By: Andy Kubert
Editor: Katie Kubert
Group Editor: Mark Doyle
Batman Created By Bob K--AHAHAHAHA, NO. Batman Created By Bill Finger