Enjoy a little parody of this deliciously retarded article...
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I never thought that pissing off Conservatives would become one of my favorite hobbies of all time but it has so I thought I'd share some ways you too can Piss off a Conservative. These pissing off tips can be used probably anywhere but since I spend way too much time on Twitter and only allow Conservatives on my Facebook page, that's my focus.
I hope you enjoy much success in your quest to Piss of Conservatives. I promise you it's lots of fun!!
1. Use facts and logic. Conservatives hate and despise facts and logic. Neither make sense to them. They cannot understand either. They use neither. They only use emotion to promote their 'cause'.
2. Don't use Huffington Post News links. They'll just call you biased. When possible, use their own breathern who agree with Obama and the Conservatives in Congress to piss them off. There ARE links out there that do this. I just recently pissed off a conservative using a FOX News. Talk about schweetness. Also go to YouTube and find videos of their Conservative 'heroes' saying really dumbshit stuff in their own words. This REALLY pisses them off because they have no retort.
3. Conservatives will most likely call you a Left Wing Nut Job regardless of whether or not you are an Independent or a Republican. Respond by informing them you are neither and calling them a Right Wing Nut Job or #RWNJ they hate it and usually don't even know what the acronym stands for.
4. Conservative 'men' (I use the term men loosely here) will often call you the N word. Don't get offended, they haven't talked to a real one in years so they really don't understand that they're regular folks like you and I. Point out that they are calling you that rather than actually backing up any of their ridiculously stupid statements with facts or logic.
5. Some Conservatives HATE when you call them 'Sweetie' or 'Sweetheart'. For some reason they believe this is demeaning. It may very well be but use it. When they whine 'don't call me sweetheart' your retort back can be 'okay Sweetcheeks' followed by more facts and logic. Their tiny little brains practically explode upon reading. I sometimes use 'Honeypie' as well.
6. Many Conservatives will personally attack you and when you attack back they whine like little friggin' babies that YOU are personally attacking them. Point out the fact that YOU are giving what you are getting and ask them if they have STM (Short Term Memory) Conservative Derangement Disorder. This usually shuts them up.
7. When a Conservative calls you a Teabagger inform them that if YOU are the Teabagger then that makes them the TeabaggEE and ask them how the view is from down there. This really pisses Conservatives off and usually Shuts them the Fuck up (dipshits). (Conservatives don't realize that there are "Liberals" partaking in teabag movements. This will just confuse the shit out of them.)
8. When you are dealing with absolute moron Conservative women, tell them to 'get back in the kitchen'. You wanna see a Conservative head explode? They literally flip their shit on that one.
9. Conservatives have pretty much ceased on calling people who agree with Obama a racist because they realized how completely and utterly stupid they were but some do this on occasion. When they do just send them this photo. You can link here to save it.
(Too lazy to edit up a new image. Ask /b/)
10. Some Conservatives try to pretend they are 'normal' when debating you. They will make little digs at you that are extremely immature without being outright nasty. Point this out and ask them to debate like adults rather than 12 year olds. This too shuts them up as it embarrasses them to their Conservative followers.
11. As you all know, most Conservatives have their heads up their asses. Feel free to also use the photo below to remind them of their precarious situation:
12. Conservatives somehow don't understand the difference between Commentators and News sources. They think links to blogs are the actual source rather than the links TO the sources in the blogs. Point this out. Ask them if they need help in understanding how LINKS work.
13. When Conservatives whine about MSNBC being biased, point out the difference between Commentators and NEWS reporting. Commentators like Olbermann and Maddow COMMENT on the news while news reporters like Wolf Blitzer REPORT the news. Ask them if they believe that FOX News is not biased. They usually STFU. Anyone who thinks Glenn Beck reports the news and isn't biased the ultimate Conservative MORON. The only place Glenn Beck should be is an insane asylum. Obviously they haven't upped his meds enough to allow the 'man' a logical or normal thought in YEARS. Talk about douchebaggery? Just watch 5 minutes of his show and you'll regret for the rest of your life that you subjected yourself to such complete and utter jackassery but it's good to see the stupidity of the Right.
14. When Conservatives try to debunk what YOU post with some type of Left Wing shill organization, point this out. It's pretty easy to back it up with facts. Sometimes you may have to do some research to prove it but it's quick and easy. Again, Conservatives HATE facts and truth. This will also make them STFU.
15. (Too many words in here for a lazy fuck like me to replace willy nilly. I'm sure there's a video of someone attacking gays that would work great here. Maybe I've just been caught off guard because someone considers the Black Panthers still be relevant)
16. Many times Conservatives will RT or Retweet you but change your tweet to be vile or racist. When this occurs be sure to respond by calling out their obvious LIE, which others can verify. You also need to start what I call a BLOCK PARTY. Inform all of your Conservative Tweeps via your timeline and DM what this person did. If enough people block and report this Conservtroll within a short amount of time (I believe it's 100 within minutes) then the troll will be removed from Twitter automatically.
17. If you want to search for Conservatives to fuck with, just do a search on the following hashtags. You will not believe the idiocy you will see: #Palin #McCain #GOP #Conservative #TeaParty #DNC #Obama (these two are Liberal but Conservative whackjobs like to post here as well). You can also be sure to post tweets in specific State hashtags with big upcoming political races. Conservatives really freak out if you aren't from the State you are posting in. (Note - Sorta confused on what changes to make here, as checking out Obama hostages will point you toward conservative diets.
Okay I've written more than enough. I must say that not all Conservatives are idiots. I have some Conservative friends who are very intelligent but just have different ideology than I do. You know who you are and I really do love our discussions.
Feel free to message me or email me at any time if you want more tips on how to Piss off Conservatives. I will gladly reply. I will probably post more at another time but I think I've worn y'all out at this point.
CHEERS FAGGOTS/CRACKERS/CHRISTIAN/RANDOM OTHER WORD HOPING SOMEONE WILL BE OFFENDED!
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Now for the kicker, compare it to the original article. Wow, wasn't that easy?
I left "Liberal" and "Conservative" capitalized as per the original article.
And yes, the guy(?) who came up with this originally is just your average "conservative" troll. Paying any credence to him is just a waste of time. Consider my response a satirical look at how pathetic our current political debate has become. Nothing like two far flung sides attacking each other with the same argument save some subtle word replacements. Better yet, throw in some blank spaces instead and you'll have yourself a fine political Mad Lib. (Or should I say Mad Conservative? Yuk yuk, please someone, shoot me)
