Batman & Robin Eternal #15 Review

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"I'm the worst character in this book!" "No, I am!"

 

The situation's dire as Tim's plan backfires, but you have to admire of all Batman's squires, he's inspired to inquire about the man covered in wires while in flashbacks Batman's a liar. All this and less in the fairly dry fifteenth installment of DC's weekly Batman escapade. Less compelling, less exciting, less informative than the previous issue! It's almost as if the Tim/Jason/Jean-Paul subplot is... pretty boring overall. But hey, that flashback is neat.

 

"It was Scott Lobdell. Much worse. Got me, too."

Imagine, if you will, a yawning expanse of pure, brilliant, blank white space, reaching out into an endless infinity of utter boredom. That would not begin to describe how dull the "techno monks of the Order of St. Dumas" plot element is, and that it's become so important as the new technique Mother is using to make her children is technological is mindshatteringly dull. Every page of it screams, "READ SOMETHING ELSE!" I'll be lucky if this review gets out before the next issue (most don't), because man, is it a chore to read through pages of this horse shit with the guy hooked to computers and Jean-Paul's dumb hairstyle. How do you mess up this concept? Azrael is an assassin, one in a long line, hypnotized by "the system" like his father and his father before him to serve as a holy hitman for a fake religious order for the purpose of carrying out clandestine assassinations. There you go, end of fucking story, no need for robo-priests. Denny O'Neil should spit right on these pages.

 


"St. Dumas didn't die... that was his brother, St. Dumbass. Stuck his head in a lion's mouth. Idiot."

Also, what is this, Mother's third approach to brainwashing designer kids? Her first was by just having David slaughter their parents or otherwise engineer their deaths and then the Sculptor molds them with mind techniques. Then Mother thought that was inefficient, so she hired Jonathan Crane, the Scarecrow, to create a sort of fear gas that will simulate trauma for a short cut in the process. Now it's all about the Itchy... ichthtythy... Itchy & Scratchy program. (Ichthys!) Bitch upgrades every few years. Guess it pays to stay cutting edge, I guess. But why hasn't she, for instance, gone after Crane in present day to shut him up? And more importantly, why hasn't Dick and the others questioned Scarecrow about this? It just doesn't add up, I'm afraid.

At least the flashback pages are pretty solid, with Scarecrow being coy and musing on the nature of Batman's psychosis while Mother pumps him for informaiton, Mother having way too much confidence and ignoring Cain's advice, Batman keeping Robin in the dark about the dark deed he's supposed to do, and Dick  being totally in the dark about it. Only three pages of this and it's like a pristine island in an ocean of tepid pointlessness.

 

"... is rock n' roll music!" 

How they can make Tim Drake MORE boring by giving him action is beyond me, but DC's really fucked this character over hardcore for years and he was my favorite Robin. If this keeps up, I'm going to abandon him entirely. These books make him suck.

But hey, Jason's on a mind trip that's taking him to the funhouse that is A Death in the Family. I hope they're not just CROWBARRING this in! Ohohohoho.

 

No, I think this hurts us all equally. Woof.

This issue's bad and the writers should feel bad.

Next: Stalk Like An Egyptian!

- Penguin Truth
(2016)

 

"Come to think of it, I was zoning out through most of that training."

 

Story: James Tynion IV & Scott Snyder
Script: Jackson Lanzing & Collin Kelly
Artist: Christian Duce
Colors: Gabe Eltaeb
Lettering By: Tom Napolitano
Cover: Guillem March
Editor: Chris Conroy
Asst. Editor: Dave Wielgosz
Group Editor: Mark Doyle
Batman Created By Bob K--wait...

Still too little credit for Finger.