Every Single Evangelion Discussion On The Internet (or The Evangelion Discussion Drinking Game)


I love Neon Genesis Evangelion. But it's a polarizing show. Some people think it's brilliant, some think it's trash. Some people think it's brilliant for the wrong reasons. Some people don't pick up on why it's good because they feel betrayed by it not being what they originally thought it was and miss its real complexities. But, for whatever reason, pretty much any discussion you're going to encounter about Evangelion, pretty much any message board thread and the like, is going to go the same way. And this is why I avoid discussing Evangelion most of the time. Not because I'm afraid of debating it, but because it's such a pointless excercise at this point.

The common elements of every Evangelion discussion:

- Immediately, somebody will call it "DEEP", either seriously or ironically. This is to either to try to impart a feeling that the show is some grand tapestry of brilliant symbolism and storytelling or else mock the people who think that in an exaggerated manner. Neither of these positions means anything. Everytime anyone uses the term "deep" for any reason, take a sip.

- Shinji Ikari will be called a "pussy" and people will no doubt suggest the show would have been better with a more hotblooded protagonist, which would undoubtably miss the entire point of the show. Most of these people are self-loathing weaklings exactly like Shinji who play internet tough guy. There may actually be people with valid criticisms of Shinji's words and/or actions, but it will be impossible to tell who these people are most of the time. Any time Shinji is mocked, take a sip.

- Hideaki Anno will be referred to as a "troll" at some point, either because of the last two episodes of the TV series or the End of Evangelion movie. When pressed on why he's a troll, the average participant in this discussion will fall back on popular misconceptions or some of Anno's interview statements. When Anno is called a troll, take a sip.

- The Yoshiyuki Tomino series Space Runaway Ideon is likely to be mentioned, despite maybe five people in North America having seen it, and maybe two of them liking it. Take a sip for this "classic" about a giant GM and brutal child deaths.

- Somebody will suggest that Rahxephon is "Evangelion done right" or that it is a rip-off. Despite the fact that Evangelion is clearly more like Ultraman and Rahxephon is more like Brave Reideen. Take a sip for me going through the trouble of finding the series Rahxephon is more like than Evangelion.

- Asuka vs Rei fan battles will break out. Most Evangelion discussions will undoubtably devolve into people's fanwanking over which "Eva girl" is the superior one, the seriously messed up attention-craving Asuka or the seriously messed up devaluing of her own life clone Rei. In most cases, Rei will likely dominate, because she is submissive, and many anime fans love these type of characters. NOTE: Recently, Mari Illustrious Makinami has been introduced into the mix. You may find a three-way battle. If your favorite is Rei, take a sip. If your favorite is Asuka, take a sip. If your favorite is Misato Katsuragi, finish your drink, as she would. You filthy drunk. If your favorite is Mari, you don't deserve to read my writing. Stop it.

Whatever you read in an Evangelion discussion, it will probably be the same thing you read in the last one you were in and probably the next one you'll be in. Nobody will have anything new, positive or negative, to say. So my suggestion is to avoid Evangelion discussions altogether. They're worse than Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Dragon Ball Z discussions rolled up into one.

If you hate Evangelion, fine. I can see where you might. But shut the fuck up, we get it. You love it? That's good too, but it's a cartoon, not a way of life. Just leave it be. Let it rest.

Nobody, not even Hideaki Anno, has said anything new about the show since well before the turn of the century. And nobody ever will.

Recent Comments